introspection, pain, philosophy, Politics, Uncategorized

A Valid Voice

Don’t be afraid of being wrong, be afraid of living life without a voice.

Conversation and debate is tricky. There are usually an intense amount of emotions present in intellectual discussion, which warps everything out of control. It makes having a truly enriching discussion very evasive. I filter what I say, and even what I think, based on the perceptions of others and the mainstream. I think more people do this than would readily admit, again, because therer is an ego to protect. In my life I have been domineered into subscribing to points of view politically, religiously, and in every opinionated category that exists. The way our beliefs shape up are largely based on how the environment around us shapes us.

My point with all this is not to tell people not to have an ego. You just can’t abandon your ego. Pride drives people, and it drives me. What I’m saying is, that I want to be in the conversation. I don’t mean just talking about things, I mean, I want to formulate my own opinions instead of regurgitating others’. I want to use my voice, and I cannot use my own voice if I do not have my own thoughts.

What I’m saying is, I’m okay with being wrong. I want to hear why I’m wrong. I want to change and grow, and I want to be challenged. I am okay with being disagreed with. I am okay with being devalued based on an opinion. What I don’t want is to not have an opinion. I have to have a voice.

art, introspection, philosophy, Poetry, spirituality, Uncategorized, Watercolor

The Observation Deck

My open mind
Is not a place to write on
You can find
Another ear to hum on
I do not marry
To one line of thinking
Yet you see me
With some kind of lacking
I am a watcher
Not made as a preacher
The only lecture
Is through life as a teacher
Though I listen
And am so eager to hear
I feed discussion
Not forcing answers from fear
My open mind
Is not a place to write on
I am no kind
To come for a sermon
I only ask
Because I want to explore
If your mind could open
I could ask you for more

art, introspection, philosophy, spirituality, Uncategorized


I am
And then I immediately am not
I am everything I can be
I am, a possibility

art, introspection, philosophy, Poetry, spirituality, Uncategorized, Watercolor

“The Process” Live Prose

How am I supposed to feel? Where should I be at this age? What can bring me fulfillment? Achievement gives me fulfillment. Respect. . . and being a part of a community. I find making other people happy fulfilling. I like being appreciated. I like feeling valuable to others. I want to be special. I like to express my “special” ness. How? How can I let people know what’s going on in here?

I have been given inspiration by others. Musicians make me feel things. My heart beats when I feel it. My senses light up a little and I get high. I feel a tiny piece of how alive they must feel when they hear their own voice and expression cutting out into the world. I want to make my cut. I want to cut open my own hard shell and let myself out. I feel so dormant and faded.

What would I ever do if I lost that part of myself? If I have ever dreaded something, I dread forgetting how to feel.

I feel angry.
I feel tingling on my skin.
I want to punch something.
But I also want to lay down and dream.
I want people to see who I am
. . . but that doesn’t make sense because I’m so private.

I want to create meaning.

Creativity and expression give me something to live for. Why do I feel so drugged about sharing myself though. Do I have anything to give? What difference can I make? I want to make an impact somehow.

. . . but even as I’m saying this I feel tired. I feel like I can’t. I feel damp.

How do I put myself in inspiration’s way? How do I make good on life’s promise? Is the question the destination? Is this process the art?

I believe in the process.

I’ve always loved the phrase, “Where do I go from here?” How do I translate what it means to exist as me into a hearable, manifestable expression? Is anyone listening to hear? Or do I just need to do it, so I can hear my own voice?

art, introspection, philosophy, photography, spirituality

Value : Malleability

Malleability is something I’ve learned to appreciate in young adulthood. As an adolescent, I did not realize how many shifts in perspective lay ahead of me–I thought my formative years were coming to an end. I remember thinking that my core personality was already formed, and I was liking the idea of being an official adult and my subsequent logic that I was now to be a static individual with my values defined and my core self fully fleshed out.

I’m so glad that is just not true.

I’m growing everyday, and I don’t want to stop growing. I’ve changed what I believe in and shifted my point of view as I have gained more experience. It is quite liberating to admit that I have been wrong in the past! I can let those parts of me go and move on. As I let go of my old definitions, I am creating a new identity.

In the past, I have felt like I had to “stay true to myself” or not shift my course to maintain a sense of cohesiveness in my life. I once listened to a local motivational speaker who gave a very powerful presentation. He drew a long, horizontal straight line on a chalk board as a depiction of the course of life. He went on to say that there are so many things that happen on the timeline of one’s life. In adulthood and old age, we want to be able to look back and be aligned with our childlike selves–which he attributed as being the true, unadulterated version of oneself. It insinuated that one is born with an identity, and the value of aligning oneself to that, as a type of inner compass.

The message has beauty–it has meant so much to me for such a long time. But, life is no straight line. I don’t want to take advice from a younger version of myself. I don’t want to realign myself back to who I used to be. I don’t want to be a certain way, because of  what I used to want. I don’t my life to be restrained from revolution or metamorphosis. I want to change, and I will change as I get older. I may not recognize who I am today, five years from now. I have possibility and my future is wide open. I may have an idea, but I don’t know where I will necessarily be as a person.

I love this so much is because it gives me hope. The best is yet to be. The worst, too. I want life to surprise me. I want to impress myself. I do not want to get stuck in my ways, or become bitter and stagnant. I am not here to sit still.

I relearn it again and again. I love life.My formative years are not at an end, and I hope they never are. I love the experience each day brings me, and I see my time as a wealth. I am grateful to look back and feel renewed. I am grateful to look forward to an unknowable adventure.

Happy New Years 2016 everyone! Thanks for reading.

Julia Saxton

Photography Credit: Rachel Alexandria

art, death, introspection, philosophy, Poetry, spirituality, Uncategorized

In Memory of my Mother

If my mother was a boat
She’d be a row boat
And not made to weather the storm

art, introspection, philosophy, photography, Poetry, spirituality, Uncategorized

Originally Me

I began
My life ran
The light was on
I existed in the world
It all meant nothing back then
I wish it was still that way
But I am entangled with this built race
And now I don’t remember where I came from
Wishing I could know what it means to be me,
without you

Art Credit: Darian R. Stanovich